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5 Alternative Greetings for the Days of COVID!


Hey POTTY People!

We are back!

It took a little longer than usual to get to the Blog this week… but not to worry, we will be back to our regularly scheduled Monday Blogs next week! 

We know this summer has been a strange one to say the least…

Mandatory Masks became a thing… 

Serving dinner in buffet style became a thing of the past…

And sadly enough… greeting close friends you haven’t seen in a while with handshakes, hugs and kisses on the cheek was type 2 felony in many states.

While we try and return to some sense of normalcy over these next couple of months, with your own health and safety being paramount, we wanted to offer you some alternatives for ways to greet friends and family!

This week, we wanted to give you our 5 Friendly Greetings for the Days of COVID!

(*Let us preface this by once again saying, these suggestions are not meant seriously, we are not doctors, nor do we claim to be… we sell an air freshener for the bathroom… we gladly stay in our bathroom lane)

#5:

“The Dog Wag” Hello

Sorry cat owners, you are going to have to indulge us for a moment… 

Any Dog owner knows the joy that is coming home to your Dog at the end of the day!

It seems that when you leave the house, every dog is simply counting down the moments until your return.

Like that friend of yours that takes planning surprise parties far too seriously… your dog waits by the door, waiting for even the smallest indication that you are returning home. 

When the front door opens… here comes the wiggles.

And no, we are not referring to the children’s singing group, The Wiggles, but instead… like a young Shakira at an open mic night…

… your dog will begin to gyrate not just their tail… but their entire body

I think we as humans need to have the same level of excitement for when we greet friends and family.

When the door opens and you see that it’s your in-laws… stand up and begin to shake vigorously

Continue shaking until your in-laws begin to scratch your stomach… its only polite. 

#4:

The “Bravo” Greeting

Ahhh the theater, how we genuinely miss you!

Whether it was a Broadway show in New York City, or a Summer Camp production of “Guys and Dolls”, we LOVE the theater!

(Fun fact: My sister Suzanna, creator of POTTYMINTS, actually went to College for Costume Design) 

Anyone who has ever performed in a show or even a school assembly can attest to how nice it feels to get applause.

I have often thought about how primal an idea that is, that when we see something we like or we find funny, we make a noise… or scream in joy!

It makes sense why some people, no… all people… we all scream… for ice cream.

We personally think that the traditional “bow” is pretentious outside of the theater. 

Some people take it too seriously and will hold up their prayer hands as they bow… 

Those people… and we mean this… those people suck (and they know it).

Back to the “Bravo” greeting…

After a good performance in a show, the lead actor or actress will often have a bouquet of flowers thrown at them in praise of their performance.

We think the same should apply to greeting a friend you haven’t seen in a couple of months…

When you see them, and they begin to approach you – throw a bouquet of flowers at them.

If they are allergic to flowers… try “The Dog Wag” Hello and start shaking uncontrollably 

#3:

The “Chicken Dance” Hello

Before the Soulja Boy Dance, Before there was Tik Tok… before the Dimelio sisters were even born.. there was the “Chicken Dance” 

Communal dances used to be THE THING in the 90’s

“The Hokey Pockey”, “The Cotton Eyed Joe”, “The Cha Cha Slide” … and of course, the Chicken Dance.

For some reason, most of our childhood memories were surrounded by proving to other people that you were in fact, not a chicken.

Whether that meant showing courage, or in this instance the simple act of shaking your butt.. you made it a point to not be a chicken. 

The song itself would now potentially be protested by PETA organizations for its animal cruelty… those poor chicken and ducks.

For this greeting, since we are already accepting that 2020 is the strangest year of our communal lives… why not up the ante!

When you see someone you know, instead of a traditional hello… begin doing the Chicken Dance.

You should both end by doing the clap portion at the same time…

If you for some reason do not clap at the same time as your friend… I hate to break it to you…

… but they are not your friend… in fact, there is a good chance they may have been a chicken or a duck this entire time.

 

#2:

The “Garbage Day” Hello

This one is a bit niche…

Did you recently break up with someone? End a long-term relationship or friendship over something that happened recently?

Do you still hold a grudge over the fact it ended poorly?

We have the perfect solution for you! The “Garbage Day” Hello

When you see this particular person, explain to them that you are taking this pandemic thing seriously, and that while you would like to say hello… they will need to take extra precaution for your own safety.

The “Garbage Day” Hello is simple… take a large garbage bag and place it over their body, explain to them that this is the safest way to greet them. 

You can then hug them over the garbage bag… but first, feel free to photograph them for the real piece of garbage that they are.

There are few opportunities in life that you can enact real time revenge on someone you dislike, and have it adhere to CDC guidelines… this happens to be one 

For you Divorced Couples… make sure that you are not inhibiting your partners ability to breath by squeezing the bag over their heads…

(*Once again, this is intended as a joke, and we do not recommend actually doing this… but if you happen to… please tag us on Instagram or facebook @pottymints)

 

#1:

“The Jim and Pam” Air Five

Out of all the Greetings in this list, this one is the one practical one you can actually use.

If there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that the show The Office is just fantastic.

If you haven’t already binged watched the entire series 3 times over the course of this Quarantine… you are simply doing it wrong.

If you have seen the show, you are well aware of the ongoing relationship of Jim and Pam

For those that have not seen the show, they work at different desks in the same office space, and are far enough apart that they are not within an arm’s length of each other

While most of the series is spent showing their glances back and forth, they also perform a long distance “Air Five”

This is perhaps the best way to greet someone these days, because:

  1. It shows you have great taste in TV Shows
  2. It is a completely socially distanced and safe greeting!
______

No matter how you decide to greet friends and family during this time, please make sure to do it safely! 

Much like the original High School Musical movie … lets remind ourselves that  “We’re All in This Together” and the faster we behave safely… the faster we can begin to get back to normal times!

Handshakes, Hugs, and Kisses remind us that we are all human, and we ultimately do it because we want to show our affection for one another… the best way to do that these days is to simply wear a mask and wash your hands.

We hope you have a great week, and we will see you next Monday for another Blog Post!

POTTYMINTS