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“Let my people go… Outside” : The 10 Passover “Plagues” of Quarantine


Day 21…
 
…its official… I have lost my mind…
 
It seems as though these days, the date and time are a mere reminder of days of past…
 
Remember Free Samples, “Uber Pools”…  or public pools for that matter…
 
These days- playing “Marco Polo” alone is not as much fun as I remember it being as a kid…
  
Hopefully these days will simply Pass-over us… and we can simply move on…
 
… Speaking of Passing-Over
 
Passover… is quickly approaching…. (Seamless Transition) …
 
And that can only mean one thing… more time spent with your family!
 
That being said, we figured we would give you our…  
 
POTTYMINTS: 10 “Plagues” of Quarantine
 
 The 1st Plague: 
Grocery Market Shopping
 
By Far the most harrowing part of the Coronavirus is going to the Grocery Market…
 
Every person in the store looks like they are about to perform lifesaving surgery on an uncooked Chicken Breast.
 
I knew at a young age I could never be a surgeon…I would sweat profusely while playing the game “Operation”
 
 The 2nd Plague :
6th Grade Math
 
How is it that I graduated from College… and yet I can’t figure out long division?
 
The 3rd Plague: 
Tik Tok Videos
 
Parents, please stop learning and filming Tik Tok dances…
 
Without knowing it…
 
Parents took Drake’s song “The Toosie Slide”… and quickly turned it into the “Electric Slide”
 The 4th Plague: 
Lack of Hygiene
 
“I love that you are constantly washing your hands…
 
… but please…
 
… it’s been days
 
… put on some pants…”
 
- Your Wife
 
  The 5th Plague: 
Dinner Time
 
Weekly Dinners have quickly turned into the final round of the television show “Chopped”…
 
…You frantically open your fridge and see what you have to work with for the night…
 
“How do I work with Mac and Cheese, Cotton Candy and Chicken Eyeballs?!?”
 
“Why does my house Not have an Ice Cream Machine?!”
 
 
The 6th Plague: 
The Netflix Series “Tiger King”
 
I think there are many of you out there that saw the “Tiger King” documentary…
 
Thought about being in quarantine until early June…
 
Thought about what all that time together in one house might look like…
 
… And seriously contemplated feeding your husband and kids to the local Zoo’s Lions.
 
#covid-19daysandcounting
 
 
 The 7th Plague: 
Technical Difficulties on Zoom Calls
 
Much like our Doctors and Nurses – who deserve nothing but our collective praise and admiration…
 
So too do we need to recognize the brave Men and Women who bravely show extreme patience and teach their technologically inept parents and grandparents how to Video Conference.
 
On behalf of all of us… Thank you for your Wifi Service! (Pun Intended)
 
 
The 8th Plague: 
“I think I hate my kids… and I’m okay with it!”
 
We will keep this one brief…
 
… at this point, we hate your kids too
 
 
The 9th Plague:
“Unprecedented”
 
This one is personal for me…
 
I understand that a Pandemic of this voracity has never happened before…
 
… but the word “Unprecedented” needs to make like Carole Baskins husband
 
… and disappear
 
We all know this hasn’t happened before… we have accepted that
 
… Now what?
 
 The 10th Plague: 
The “Feel My Head” Test
 
I have spent most of this week internally debating whether or not my head feels hot – and subsequently, deciding whether I have become stricken with the Coronavirus.
 
In the process of doing so, I have come to the realization that asking Non-Medically Qualified strangers to “Feel your head” with the back of their hand seems to be the absolute dumbest way to test if you are sick or not.
 You just touched another person’s face with your hand – YAY! Congrats on Referring a Friend to Coronavirus!
 You are essentially doing the “Jelly Bean Jar Guessing Game” of medical procedures…
 You own a thermometer … and no, a Meat Thermometer will not work
 
 
Much like the 10 Plagues in Exodus… this too shall “Pass-over” us as well!
(a pun so nice… I used it twice)
 
Stay Safe and Happy Holidays!
 
POTTYMINTS