Happy Monday!
We hope you all had a great weekend!
Over the course of the weekend, there was an overwhelming amount of Professional Sports on.
This past weekend alone, felt much more like a normal Sunday (Before COVID) … and to think, it only took: Baseball, Basketball, Football, Hockey and Tennis for us to get excited once again about watching TV these days.
Now we are in it for the long haul…
Your husband began wearing football jerseys again…
You have noticed that, readjusting his Fantasy Football lineup is the closest thing to an athletic activity he has had in months…
And worst of all… he won’t change his sweatpants… (the one’s with the mustard stain from 3 weeks ago…)
Unfortunately for you and your family, this past weekend marks Week 1 of the NFL season… so get ready for some FOOTBALL!
Clearly this year, there wont be any fans in the stands, so we figured we would help you out to make watching the Sports at home a little more like being in a stadium.
Here is our 3 Tips to have a Sports Stadium Experience Home
#3:
“Stadium Restrooms”
If there is one thing to be thankful for this football season, it’s that there are no mile-long bathroom lines.
Men have often glanced over at the Women’s restroom line and thought we really had the upper hand… (We do not, trust me)
The truth is, a Men’s Stadium Bathroom is a lot like Jury Duty… you want to get out of it as fast as humanly possible
The entire room is as wet as a Waterpark’s Restroom, which doesn’t make any scientific sense at all…
You will notice that some men are not willing to let go of their beverage while using the restroom, for fear of having to spend another $46 on their next one.
For at home… the best way to bring the Bathroom Experience a little more communal is to take the bathroom door off… just rip it clean off
Empty the soap dispenser… (it never seems to be full at the Stadium)
Take a vacuum cleaner, remove the attachment so that it’s just the nozzle… and begin waving your hands over it like the Dyson hand sucking washing station.
Once your hands are still soaking… give your husband one slightly ripped Chipotle Napkin to use to properly dry his hands… he will feel right at home with this level of cleanliness.
#2:
“Getcha Beer Heeeere”!
Ahhh Stadiums… how we miss you!
The sticky floors, soaked in spilled beer, peanut shells and crushed dreams…
And who can forget the iconic Beer Salesmen.
Perhaps I am biased because I grew up in New York City, but the most defined New York Accent I have ever heard is that of the Yankee Stadium Beer Salesman or Saleswoman.
Talk about a tough sell…
You have to carry a heavy serving tray of Large beers…Up and down stairs…
You have to yell, as the stadium doesn’t give you a mic or megaphone, to remind people you are selling beer…
And… the beer itself is $46.00
Not only that, but if are a fan ordering beer and you happen to be seated in the middle of the row, you have to play the real-life version of the game “Telephone” with the row of people in your section.
As you pass down the money and the subsequent beer that comes with it… you must think, there has got to be a better way to do this…
This brings us to our first suggestion… simply getting a beer from the fridge is too easy… there has to be a bit of spontaneity to it
Our suggestion is put the coffee table tightly against the couch, with little room for his feet.
Then, make sure to make him stand up as you squeeze and try and walk by his feet as though you are in the stands.
Do this about 7-9 times throughout the game, each time, apologizing and saying something like “Sorry about that, we’ll be right back”…
Nothing will remind him more of a stadium than this.
Feel free to block his view of the screen… its only natural.
Eventually, he will understand how nice it is to not have to take out a loan just to get a beer… and to be able to watch the game in the comfort of his or her home.
#1:
“T-Shirt Toss”
We all love a T-Shirt Toss…
People at a Stadium act like they have never seen a T-shirt before in their lives when its being shot out of a cannon
Friends and Family members that you have never seen dance in your lives… suddenly doing the Fortnite dances enthusiastically… all in hopes of catching a XXXL T-shirt
I have seen people with crutches, put them down in order to potentially catch a shirt
Your team can be losing by 64 points… but as soon as you see a slingshot and bucket of t-shirts… you lose it!
Our suggestion for bringing this home is actually a practical one…
Let’s be honest… things we don’t like ultimately take on a new positive light when shot out of a pressurized air cannon…
Why not start firing Vegetables during dinner?
Spinach or Brussel Sprouts may quickly become your kids favorites as they come flying toward their mouths at 80 Miles per hour.
Plus, it will improve their hand eye coordination! Two Birds… One Pressurized Air Cannon!
_______
No matter what team you enjoy rooting for…just make sure you are doing it safely
Get a Mask of your favorite team and wear it with pride… think of it as limited-edition team apparel
We will see you next week for another blog post!
POTTYMINTS
