Hey POTTY People!
Hope you all had a fantastic July 4th Weekend!
Congratulations to Joey Chestnut winning the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championship!
Setting a new world record of eating 75 Hot Dogs in 10 Minutes…
While we are at it… our deepest condolences to his wife and his family who will have to bear the repercussions of living with him in the days that follow the competition… thank you for your service!
Now to this weeks BLOG!
With all of the craziness of “the new normal” on Earth right now, we wanted to use this week’s blog post to discuss one particular story in Space!
Yes… Space… the Final Frontier…
You know… the place all the Star Wars titles words fade into…
While we previously had no desire to leave Earth...
At this point with all the stuff going on in the world right now… we would be open to taking a Spirit Airlines flight to the Moon
Everyone loves to envision themselves weightless in space, flying around the cabin, taking Instagram pictures of the surrounding planets, and of course… eating a steady diet of Astronaut Ice Cream.
Unfortunately, as bathroom people, the sad reality became very apparent… how does one use the bathroom in space?
Not only that… but we were genuinely SHOCKED to find out that NASA had an open competition to design a Space Toilet for their next voyage to space.
Yes… you read that right…
The People that figured out how to successfully launch a rocket into orbit, and then return it back safely …
Needed “Joe Schmo’s” help to figure out how to use the toilet in space.
Just to put that into perspective… that’s like Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb… and asking for help designing the Lamp Shade.
Needless to say, since Bathrooms are kind of our thing… we figured we would use this blog post to throw our hat in the ring… with our Three Ideas for the “NASA Lunar Loo Challenge”
… (yes, that is actually the name for the competition)
We here at POTTYMINTS are big fans of Amusement Parks, Roller Coasters and more specifically - Disney World.
No trip to Disney World’s Magic Kingdom is complete without riding the Space Mountain roller coaster.
Much like any roller coaster, Space Mountain safely secures its riders with a lap bar that secures them into the seat.
We think the same method for securing you to the seat can easily be transferred to space.
After all – why would they put such a forward-thinking safety features in the “Tomorrowland” section of the theme park without knowing that it would someday make its way to space.
The toilet user would simply sit on the throne… make sure the lap bar “clicked” them into place, secure on the toilet seat…
If you would like, there can even be a toilet operator who much like the “Ride Operator” will give you an assuring “Thumbs Up”, letting you know that you can beginning the bathroom experience.
From there… the rest is simple…
If you have ever been on a commercial airplane you have experienced the frightening experience that is flushing.
Much like the children’s toy “Jack in the Box” – there is a slight moment of silence after hitting the Flush button…
For a brief moment… you wonder if it has for some reason malfunctioned
Then, with no regard for human life, the loudest possible “FLUSH!” capable of bursting your eardrums sucks any odor or residual bathroom grossness out
Any fecal matter doesn’t stand a chance…
By combining these two ideas… the Space Mountain Lap Bar… and the Airplane Toilet –
You are welcome Nasa… problem solved!
Toilet Idea #2:
Adult Diapers...
Look… sometimes the best ideas are the simplest ones
While I cannot say I have ever used one…
As a newfound Uncle… I can personally attest to the incredible impact of Diapers
Much like the ingenuity of POTTYMINTS – Adult Diapers are Compact, Convenient and some may even argue Fashionable…
For those that argue that they are an eyesore, who can see what you are wearing under a space suit? … For all we know, Buzz Aldrin was “free-balling” the entire time.
Much like Animals mark their territories with Urine, we too can mark the Moon as our territory by leaving a mound of used Adult Diapers beside the American flag…
I would argue there are few things more American than leaving our trash for other people to worry about… (hahaha!)
Talk about giving “Space Force” new meaning…USA! USA! USA!
Toilet Idea #3:
The “I’ll Wait” Toilet
Let’s be honest… we have all been there
Road trips are not complete without being forced into the precarious situation of using a Gas Station or Roadside toilet.
While some are better kept than others… there is a reason that even the Gas Station Employees decide to use the Starbucks Bathroom half a mile down the road.
These bathrooms are what we in the bathroom industry call – “A Lost Cause”
There is no amount of POTTYMINTS that can fix the multitude of problems in these bathrooms.
You know the bathrooms we are talking about…
The sink is constantly running…
The bathroom light has been broken since Jimmy Carter was President…
And there isn’t – nor has there ever been – toilet paper in the holder.
Not only that, but much like a horse stable… it is infested with a plague like number of flies, whose only goal is to cause you to smack yourself while sweating profusely, seated on the toilet.
...Hence the idea for the “I’ll Wait” Toilet
The goal for this space toilet is to make the bathroom aboard so incredibly grotesque that the astronauts themselves decide to hold it in for the entirety of their journey.
Complete with all the accoutrements of a Gas Station bathroom (including the oversized key)… combined with all the luxury that is using a smoldering hot Port-O-Potty at the County Summer Fair…
This bathroom will be designed to make even those people who agree to go to Space …second guess simply going to the bathroom.
Boom… problem solved! … and our eventual apologies for the families who will have to suffer the consequences when they return home.
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We hope you all enjoyed this blog, and we hope you all stay safe with all of the craziness in the world right now!
Much like using a spaceship bathroom… lets all remember… we are all in this together!
Remember to wear a mask, wash your hands, and have a great week!
We will be back next Monday for the next Blog Post!
See you then!
POTTYMINTS
