Gooooooood Morning POTTY People!
Mornings can be tough… not only for those late sleepers.
You probably decided to watch one more episode of Floor is Lava, and when that episode ended… you decided, since it’s a pandemic, it would be best to start watching the Star Wars Trilogy
This morning, after a short night of sleep… you immediately regret it
The bags under your eyes suggest… you may have ventured a bit too deep into the “dark side”
For some of you, Mornings seem to be you at your absolute peak…
These people are called “Morning People”.
While there are many things to be scared of in this world… Morning People are without a doubt in the Top 3.
On behalf of all of us Normal people, who wake up exhausted from a night of resting… Morning People decide it would be best to compete in a Triathlon before first showering.
For most of us here on Planet earth, the morning is a gradual lethargic experience.
Each foot is dragged across the kitchen floor, in hopes of making it to the coffee machine.
If there is one thing we can all agree on these days, it’s that there are few things greater than a great cup of Coffee in the morning!
Coincidentally enough, today is National Coffee Day!
One thing we all miss these days is going to your favorite Coffee shop, grabbing a seat and enjoying a delicious baked good and warm coffee!
So on this week’s POTTYMINTS Blog, we present… The 5 People you always see at a Coffee Shop!
The Job Interview
As sure as a Coffee Shop has Sugar for your coffee, there will always be someone conducting a job Interview.
With a crisp Resume in hand, he or she applying for the Job is not only there to impress the company, but all of those people who claim to be minding their own business.
People at a Coffee shop treat Job interviews like an episode of Shark Tank…
They are internally judging every answer and deciding for themselves if they have what it takes to work with this company (that they are not even remotely involved with!)
We understand you are proficient in Microsoft Excel, you have excellent communication skills, and you have been told you are a pleasure to work with…
... But did we need to conduct this Job Interview by the restrooms?!
The Co-Working Space
As soon as this person asks for the WIFI Password, you know they are going to be there alllllllll day.
This person has decided that rather than rent an office space and have a designated desk… it would be best to set up shop… at a Coffee Shop!
They brought their paperwork, brought their desktop computer, and their smug attitude.
As we all know too well, this person is also relatively unaware that they are speaking very loudly…
“Sir, we know you are on a call… but I have noise canceling headphones… and I can still hear you”
And when someone tries to tell them… they may be met with a single finger, letting them know that they are on a call.
I completely understand working from a Coffee Shop, it makes a lot of sense, and assuming you are buying more than one small cup of coffee… it makes sense for the Coffee Shop too!
While we understand that the Coffee Shop is a great environment to work… but it is not the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, so lose the earpiece headphones and get yourself an office outside of a Starbucks franchise.
Every Coffee Shop has one of these… the aspiring writer or Playwright.
Of course, as soon as you see the script on their screen, feel free to ask: What are you writing? And what’s it about?
But be prepared for the following:
“It’s like Hamilton the Musical, but is about Tom Steyer…”
“It’s like House of Cards meets Alvin and the Chipmunks…”
“It’s like Tiger King, but it’s about Guinea Pigs…”
This person has all the confidence that it’s only a matter of time before the Emmy’s come rolling in, but has not written more than 3 pages of Script in more than 6 months.
This person is 98% Bravado, 1% Skim Milk, and 1% Screen Writer… but they are more than happy to tell you all about their plans for the marketing behind their show.
Break a leg… but seriously.
The Coffee Shop Virgin
This person appears to be in public for the first time in their lives
As though they have never seen a menu, been at a restaurant of any sort, or read a single world of English.
You can tell this person from the crowd, because they appear to be squinting to make out the LARGE PRINT LETTERS on the Menu on the wall.
It appears that they are at a complete loss for what they want to order… at a Coffee Shop.
Not only that, but they appear to have never heard the word “Coffee” before.
They may even let the person behind them in line order first, as they still need the time to figure out what they are going to order.
They may ask what comprises a “Macchiato” or “Americano” …
As Larry David, of Curb Your Enthusiasm, once said… Its all Coffee and Milk.
They ultimately end up ordering a Large Iced Coffee – because they couldn’t make up their mind.
These people are the same people that when at an Ice Cream shop, try all the flavors and end up getting Vanilla in a cup.
The Coffee Aficionado
Some people love a simple cup of Coffee in the morning… others prefer something a little more robust… and then there are Coffee Aficionado’s
Or as we refer to them in New York City… “Coffee Snobs”
These people test the PH balance of the water before even contemplating taking their first sip.
“Is this tap water, Britta filtered, or bottled?"
These people ask about the beans themselves, where they were harvested, and the region in which they are grown.
“When the beans were picked… was it Raining? Misty?... You know you can taste the difference?!”
To answer these questions… No.
No, it doesn’t matter – the only question that should be asked is… Does drinking this Coffee help me wake up faster? Does it make me feel more alert? And if I add Sugar to it, will it make it taste better?
Don’t mention adding creamer or sugar to your coffee to these “Coffee Snobs” as that will cause their skin to melt like that scene in Indiana Jones and Lost Arc.
These people have FAR too much time on their hands, and they choose to spend it at their local coffee shops… yay!
We hope however you enjoy your coffee, that it makes you happy because that’s exactly what we all need these days.
A little pick me up – because as much as these days may stink… we are at least here to experience them!
We hope you all have a great week, and we will be back next week for our next Blog!