Hey POTTY People!
Hope you all had another fantastic Summer Weekend!
This week is a special one for me… it happens to be my Birthday Week!
While in the past, I used to hate those people that would let you know “it’s my birthday week”… but now, especially these days, I kind of see where they are coming from.
These days… ordering in food is the highlight of the week
Conversation are getting thin as you are now FAR too aware as to what everyone has been up to these past couple of months…
And lets also be honest… you have no interest in watching any of the Streaming shows your friends have recommended to you.
Birthdays are the only types of events these days that people actually congregate for…Yes… virtually… but still begrudgingly…
Now that Covid Birthdays are here with us… we figure we would give you our Three Thoughts on all things Birthdays during these strange… strange times.
COVID Birthday Thought #1:
Blowing out the Candles
Now, I don’t want to start off the BLOG by becoming “that guy” that hates Birthdays… but especially during a Pandemic where the Virus is transmitted by breathing in close proximity to each other… Birthday Candles may need to be canceled for 2020.
Nothing says “RED FLAG” like gathering your closest friends and family, putting them in a room and making them watch you use all the Coronavirus breath you have been saving up for months to blow out candles… right onto a cake we will all be eating shortly.
The worst of the Birthday Candles being the “Candles that don’t go out”… the cruelest birthday prank of them all
The Non-Extinguishable candle has always baffled me…
As a child and now as an adult, I have yet to figure out how on earth this small miracle flame is possible
Forget turning Water to Wine… if you can extinguish a flame, and then make that flame re-appear… on an Ice Cream Cake of all places… you are my Prophet.
Unfortunately, in the days of COVID, the Non-Extinguishing Candle is probably the fastest and most demeaning way to contract the virus.
As you stand there hunched over a cake, mask off, almost out of breath from the many attempts to put out the flame… it becomes very clear… you are a super spreader.
Growing up, it seemed as though we took the candle aspect of birthdays too seriously
Especially as we inevitably get older, it seems that making the birthday person blow out the candles in one breath is a difficult challenge especially when you are over a certain age.
89 Candles is a lot of work to set up, and lighting them may be even tougher… only to be blown out moments later.
It’s almost as though the person celebrating their birthday hasn’t quiet earned the birthday itself, unless they blow out all the candles.
Our suggestion for COVID Birthdays:
Cupcakes… individually decorated… individually packaged… Cupcakes.
Plus, you can only put so many candles on a cupcake… just saying.
COVID Birthday Thought #2:
The Surprise Zoom Birthday Call
Surprise parties are always fun!
But we do have to say… it seems that the Zoom Surprise Birthday Party… is less of a party… and more of a group therapy session.
Nothing says “SURPRISE PARTY!” quite like putting in the meeting code in your computer… PARTAY!
From our experience to this point on Zoom calls, they start fun and upbeat… and then it quickly transitions into the inevitable “What a strange world we are in right now, right?!” conversation!
Over these past couple of months, I have thought to myself… Did they celebrate Birthdays or Events during the 1918 Spanish Flu?
I can’t even think of a single Zoom call I was on during the entire Chipotle E Coli Pandemic of 2016.
Surprise Parties during COVID is like voluntarily celebrating your birthday at the DMV… just waiting out the time… and it will all be over soon!
Our suggestion:
Trust me… I don’t have much else going on… no need for a Surprise… I’ll take cake anyway I can get it.
COVID Birthday Thought #3:
The End of Balloons
I have often thought about the first person to receive a balloon as a gift from a friend or loved one…
Receiving the first ever Birthday Helium Balloon must have been a level of joy few of us can realistically feel…
For a brief moment, the laws of Gravity to not apply to this mere balloon on a leash… a masterful gift!
That is until your balloon begins to deflate… which, like the excitement of opening up a new Avocado, but is quickly met with the sad reality that… it will soon turn brown and go bad within mere moment of getting it.
Balloons in the days of COVID are now Breath Air Bombs, that can pop and potentially infect you with the virus.
For fear of letting any of the air out… you let the Birthday Balloons in the days that follow stay on the floor, as a mere reminder of days past.
The smiley face balloons once meant to welcome you into a new age… are now getting old and wrinkly themselves… a true metaphor for the fragility of life.
It’s almost like not cleaning up the remaining Ice Cream Cake you have, and rather than put it away… you just let it melt on the floor as a reminder of the birthday that once was!
Our Advice for Birthday Decorations: Go with Streamers… and if you don’t have any streamers… use Toilet Paper
_______
To any of my fellow Leo’s out there, I hope you have a fantastic Birthday and I genuinely hope you make the most of this strange time!
Celebrate however you would like, after all… it’s your day!
Just remember that, God willing, in years from now you will be able to tell your family and friends about your birthday during a pandemic… and if that doesn’t do it for you… drink heavily!
Have a great week and see you next time on the POTTYMINTS Blog!
POTTYMINTS
