Day… who knows at this point?!
Remember that feeling on the last week of school before Summer Vacation?
Glancing at the classroom clock…
…just counting down the moments until… FREEDOM!
The bell rings and suddenly…
… It’s the last scene in the movie "The Breakfast Club"
(Don’t worry, we won’t forget about you)
This summer may be a little different… perhaps not quite as exciting
But we here at POTTYMINTS remain optimistic…
We are keeping the mindset that… The Toilet Bowl is half full!
So let’s stay positive POTTY People!
One of the things that No One will miss this summer…
Is using a Porta-Potty... at a Sporting Event, Summer Concert or Music/Arts Festival.
So now that the “New Normal” is one that prioritizes hygiene and cleanliness…
It’s time to bid a final farewell to Porta-Pottys
Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you…
In Memorium: Porta-Pottys (1942-2020)
Let’s all be honest
If Dr. Anthony Faucci had told us that Coronavirus began in a Porta-Potty…
… No one, regardless of Political Party, would deny it
The word “Gross” doesnt quite cut it.
“Horrid” is perhaps a bit closer
Each sense we are capable of feeling, stimulated in a way that can only be described as… “filth”
Porta-Pottys were truly a visceral experience…
Let’s break it down, one last time… out of respect.
Let us begin with the Porta-Potty Door… which because of hinge that is far too tight
… forced you into your temporary bathroom coffin
…with a loud snap that can be heard from miles away
Like a Fear Factor contestant, you held your breath …
Suddenly… …its quiet… it’s just you
… you try to move as quickly as possible without touching any surface inside
You take a look around, like you just landed on Mars.
There isn’t enough Lysol Spray or Purell in this world to sanitize this petri dish of a portable restroom.
And … Lucky for you, they put an empty soap dispenser inside!
“The Blue Liquid”
Ah, “The Blue Liquid”…
How the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles got their powers…
It’s not quite Blue, nor is it entirely a liquid…
It’s more of a cauldron
…in fact, I once saw it bubble.
It didn’t smell clean, in fact, it didn’t smell dirty either…
BUT, it did smell like something that the CDC says Human Beings shouldn’t be exposed to.
And yet… from time to time
…you would find that people will leave behind their beverage beside the wet “bowl”
… Nothing like “Happy Hour” in the Most Depressing Place on Earth to drink alone.
You finished your “business” and got the hell out of there…
You opened the door, and as though you were swimming to the surface for air…
Finally, you Take a deep breath
And held the door open for the person about to enter the bathroom…
(And they say Chivalry is dead…)
Like a young Sammy Sossa, about to bat… the next person in line begins to do hand gestures, praying to the heavens that they make it out in one piece.
As for you – MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Finally, once you exit, one thing is clear…
… Much like Fight Club
… you do not talk about what just happened in there
… YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT JUST HAPPENED IN THERE
Porta-Potty’s you will be missed by… no one
(Let’s be honest… what the hell took so long to get rid of these things?!?)
Well, if you made it to this point, thank you! We really appreciate the read!
And while there are many things still “up in the air” for this upcoming summer…
(including Coronavirus… its’ an “airborne” disease… #safetyPUN)
We truly hope you and your families stay safe, wash your hands… and make the most of this precarious situation!
Summer is right around the corner, and there is a lot to be thankful for! Now more so than ever!