Day 70… something… honestly…what does it matter?! (I am going nowhere fast!)
With the Country opening up this weekend, I watched people begin to gingerly interact with each other as though it was a National Geographic Nature documentary, depicting two animals meeting for the first time.
Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells when it comes to meeting in person, and yet – I have never seen people more excited to host or participate in a conference call.
We here at POTTYMINTS previously treated conference calls like many of you:
Step 1) Put the phone on Speaker
Step 2) Place it in an area where the other people on the call can hear you say “yeah.”
Step 3) Begin scrolling Instagram…
(*Quick self-promotion plug*: Give us a follow on Instagram: @pottymints)
Now that we are all going to be doing these Zoom calls for the foreseeable future, we figured we would establish some ground rules for Video Conference calls.
We hope that these few rules help you in some way – if any!
Rule #1: “If you don’t have anything to say, please MUTE yourself”
There is always one person on every Zoom call who appears to be using a computer for the first time in their life.
I have family members that have tried to join our family Zoom get-togethers with the fax machine… It is truly baffling at times to see.
“Am I on?!?”, “I can’t see”, “Is it working” … “Who is talking?”
Not surprisingly, the person who can’t seem to figure out how Zoom works, will walk you through how they can’t figure out Zoom by bringing in their households “Geek Squad” member and letting them know they don’t know how to use it.
He or she must first grab their glasses… as the only three icons on the bottom of the screen are simply too much to handle. This for some older people, is their seeing eye test.
As for the other members of the Zoom call, you may know this person as “The Squinter” … the person who doesn’t realize that there is a camera.
They also don’t realize that by moving their face closer to the screen, they are also moving closer to the microphone – allowing you an inside look into their dental work, and in rare occasions the inside of their nostrils.
I could go on… but out of respect for these people who, after reading this blog post, realize that they are “that person” …
FOR ALL OF US: CLICK THIS BUTTON!
Rule #2: “If you are on the toilet or in the bathroom, the Zoom Video conference can wait…”
This one is pretty self-explanatory…and to be honest, we don’t really know why we have to say this…
But since bathrooms are kind of our “thing” here at POTTYMINTS…We think it bears repeating.
If you are not wearing pants, or if your pants are around your ankles (wink, wink) … do not click the Video option… or the sound option for that matter.
We understand these are difficult times… please do not make them even more difficult for the rest of us… especially those of us that like to eat during Zoom Calls.
Last point… the question “Is everyone wearing pants?” is an unnecessary introductory question… plus, no one wants to see them prove it.
Rule #3: “Etiquette for Ending or Leaving a Zoom Call”
Let’s be honest with ourselves… drinking alone in your home for a company Happy Hour is a sad sight. The image of drinking heavily in front of your computer screen gives you one more reason to top off that drink.
Most people are not even remotely interested in attending, but the Human resources department is saying it's “mandatory”.
You have the internal discussion with yourself, how long do I need to stay on this call before I can go back to watching Netflix's “Stranger Things”?
Much like posting a picture of yourself doing charity work on dating apps… this is strictly for optics. Log on the call, make a quick joke or comment and then begin planning how to best sign off.
Now there are many ways to do this, so I thought I would review some of our favorites:
The “Miss. America” Exit:
This person takes the time to say how much fun they had on the call… smiles and all!
Thanks everyone for their “time” (where else are they going…the couch?), saying how we should “do this again”
… and then signing off with a courteous wave.
The “Harry Houdini” Farewell:
This person exits as though they were never there… and some people question if they were ever on the call to begin with.
Some “Houdini’s” will leave a parting message before signing off – letting the group know they had to leave…
Like the Board Game, “Clue”, the other members of the Zoom call are left trying to piece together how he or she pulled it off?!
However, no one is upset… there is a mutual respect for this person.
Many of us aspire to one day pull it off …
The “IDGAF” Exit
This is the person on the Zoom call that looks like they are being held against their will by a terrorist organization… it also doesn’t help that they have decided to grow a “quarantine beard”
Every call has one, they don’t show emotion, they sit there blankly… waiting for the absolute bare minimum of time before exiting the conference call.
This is the person that someone asks a question to… only to be met with the sad reality they left about a half hour ago.
This person has let Quarantine get the best of them, but much like “The Houdini Farewell” … we all aspire to one day have the courage to pull it off.
We write these blog posts to provide a little break from the craziness, and while we joke about Zoom Calls – we genuinely love being able to be connected during these strange times… in whatever capacity that is.
We should all recognize that this Zoom Call life we are living will eventually be a distant memory, so we should make the most of it for the time being.
We hope that you and your family had a great Memorial Day Weekend!