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POTTYMINTS: Three INTERNAL Thoughts on Quarantine Hair Cuts


Take it from us, it’s time for a trim.
 
Barber Shops are closed, and Salons not yet open for business
 
And still…
 
Your husband has quickly become the person on the Zoom Conference call that looks like he is being held hostage...
 
Meanwhile…
 
Let’s be honest - He isn’t the only one in need of a “touch up”
 
With each day that passes, your kids are starting to resemble Motley Crew
 
The time has arrived…
 
 
Internal Thought #1: “This is Much Harder Than It Looks”
 
I am often reminded of my cousins Barber Shop experience…
 
…Where he sat down and noticed that his barber was sweating profusely
 
… And seemed to be a bit nervous the entire Haircut
 
… Finally, about 5 minutes into the trim
 
….the barber looking at my cousin, says to him
 
 “You know this is much harder than it looks”
 
(the absolute LAST thing you want your barber to say)
 
That being said… as you look directly at your child’s bare scalp and wonder if you should have used a higher number clipper…
 
You decide that Quarantine may be the best time for him to start wearing a baseball hat…
 
… even indoors
 
#seriously...youmaywantostayinside
 
 
Internal Thought #2: “My Husband’s Sideburns”  
 
While there is so much that bothers you at the present moment…
 
… Nothing new on television
 
…your kids are turning into Gremlins
 
…and your homes general cleanliness is being treated like a Fraternity house
 
NOTHING…bothers you more than your husband’s sideburns.
 
You can’t even focus on meals anymore… you just blankly stare at them
 
Not him… but only his sideburns
 
Waiting for the day you can cut them off
 
Within weeks… you fear your husband may begin resembling an Orthodox Rabbi
 
You contemplate cutting them off in his sleep… but he is a light sleeper, and you fear the clipper buzzing may wake him.
 
After he agrees to get a cut, the question then becomes…
 
How long are Sideburns supposed to be?
 
When do I stop?
 
Well…
 
We will give you the following advice…
 
If you have the razor by his forehead… you’ve gone too far
 
 
Internal Thought #3: “Quarantine Beards”  
 
 
We understand that your husband has wanted to grow his facial hair out for some time now…
 
For work purposes, he has had to shave for his entire career
 
Please remind him, that you are now his co-worker for the time being.
 
Please remind him that his beard looks like he is auditioning for Duck Dynasty
 
Or for those of you who have never seen your husband’s patchy facial hair…
 
…Welcome!
 
Yes, it looks as though his face is resisting growing facial hair by all means in certain areas…
 
In some cases, this may result in one very long hair that stands alone like a flagpole on his cheek.
 
You have begun to notice that he will sometimes stroke it pondering thoughts, as though he is imagining a full beard.  
 
Our rule of thumb: If you feel like your husband were to be stopped at TSA for his beard, it’s time to shave it off.
 
 
_____
 
To all those aspiring Hair Stylists… we thank you
 
Please Stay Home, Stay Safe and Wash your Hands!
POTTYMINTS